Thursday, March 14, 2013

[L297.Ebook] Free Ebook The Day I Washed My Face in the Toilet, by Brenda Kearns

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The Day I Washed My Face in the Toilet, by Brenda Kearns

The Day I Washed My Face in the Toilet, by Brenda Kearns



The Day I Washed My Face in the Toilet, by Brenda Kearns

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The Day I Washed My Face in the Toilet, by Brenda Kearns

Wish you could find giggle-inducing tween books for girls?

Tired of young teen fiction that drags you down? Then try...


The Day I Washed My Face in the Toilet

A laugh-out-loud novel that’s perfect for girls and young teens!

All 14-year-old Monica Bloomfield wants is to spend August at a science camp far away from her idiot sister and weird little brother. Trouble is, Monica’s being dragged into the wedding party of her crabby old great aunt who lives in England—and if she wants to earn that science camp, she has to keep her siblings in line for the entire trip, plus convince her crazy Grandma to move into a nursing home pronto. Monica’s determined to succeed, but things start out badly—and go downhill fast.

First, her hyperactive brother overdoses on caffeine right before their eight-hour flight to England. Then a botched wine-tasting party ends so badly that even a policeman is left speechless (and in need of a new uniform). Getting into science camp isn’t going to be easy—especially with a rampaging bull, drunk parrot and the most gorgeous guy in the universe standing in her way.

The Day I Washed My Face In The Toilet is a fast-paced tale about a girl trying to have a positive impact on her world and see social injustices corrected—with hilarious results, and one badly-mangled bridesmaid’s dress.

A Personal Note From The Author:

Unfortunately, I came up with the title of this book—and a pretty big chunk of the plot-line—the day I washed my face in a toilet. In my defense, we were living in the middle of nowhere, and a brutal storm had left us with no hydro, no heat, no lights and no running water for almost a week. I was cold and grimy, and by the fifth day I snapped. I pulled the top off the toilet tank and peered in. The water had been sitting there for days, so it smelled really funky. Also, every chain and bobbly thing in there was covered with a thick layer of (and here, I’m using the scientific term) bleck. Still, I was desperate. So I used the slimy toilet tank water and had what was probably the fastest sponge bath on record.

Sadly, the curry incident happened to me, too. Shortly before I boarded an eight-hour flight from England to Canada, a friend took me out for a huge curry feast. I’d never had curry, and my intestines weren’t sure what to do with the stuff, so they promptly rejected it. I developed a massive case of explosive curry farts. I kept my coat zipped up for the entire flight home, hoping that would hide the smell. It didn’t. Toxic gasses trickled out through the neck of the coat, assaulting me and all of the passengers who were stuck sitting around me. Ironically, the coat made the problem worse, because it made me sweat—I was leaking curry vapors out of every pore of my body. This book is a labor of love—but it’s laced with some of my most cringe-worthy experiences, too!


If you’re on the look-out for great books for girls or young teens—and you don’t need vampires or zombies to make you happy—then this one’s for you!

Want to read more? Just scroll up and click the Look Inside feature on the top left hand side of the page.

  • Sales Rank: #269102 in eBooks
  • Published on: 2015-01-27
  • Released on: 2015-01-27
  • Format: Kindle eBook

About the Author
Brenda Kearns lives in Ontario, Canada, with her seven kids, two cats, and a fat, three-legged Great Dane. Brenda worked as a science teacher until she realized that writing was a lot more fun—and having a home office meant she could work in her pajamas. You can visit her at brendakearns.com.

Most helpful customer reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Hilarious and Touching Story!
By Kimmy's Korner
Don't be deterred by the toilet, this story is a great little book! I absolutely LOVED the author's voice, written in the POV of a sarcastic, witty, self-depreciating teen girl with attitude and spunk. I pictured her as the smart teen on the TV show Modern Family.
Three siblings are shipped off to England for a family wedding. Mom will follow, but in the meantime, the kids will stay with a dotty, old Auntie Mame style grandma with cats, a huge dog and various friends and neighbors who will leave you chuckling and turning the pages. Toilet was a fun, light, read with a darling story and message about banding together to help someone in need.
Kearns did a great job of fleshing out the characters and keeping the pace cracking along. Most enjoyable! Thanks for my weekly laugh.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
laugh out loud at the crazy family fun
By Rodney Carlson
Family members with different personalities, agendas, and quirks! Who couldn’t relate to that? If you haven’t been at odds with your siblings, then you were an only child. Even then you probably had a few tussles with your cousins, your aunt, etc.

Monica is the dependable child. She is obsessed with order and neatness. Her sister the fashion goddess is obsessed with her looks. Her brother the know-it-all is not so much obsessed, as possibly possessed. Mom is counting on Monica to get the three of them to England ahead of her and meet up with the eccentric grandmother.

This is a chance to laugh out loud at someone else’s family drama. This book is written so well that you are transported along with the misadventures, cringe at the misfortunes, and want to chase that crazy brother down.

This was a delight to read and I would recommend it to everyone of any age.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Laugh out loud!
By M
This is a screechingly hilarious novel told from the point of view of self-centred teenager Monica. I laughed out loud in many places. The plot was water tight and the characters well drawn. You really feel as though you are in Monica's dysfunctional world. An excellent book and one to recommend to teenagers and desperately childish adults like me!

See all 31 customer reviews...

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